Four Ways to Motivate Your Strong-willed Child

How were you motivated as a child? Most parents will take a positive approach and will use a generous amount of praise and encouragement. Other parents may take a more negative approach and will try to shame, humiliate, blame or even coerce their child into cooperating. The two approaches are vastly different and are both based on the ability for the parent to consistently set limits. Parents who are ineffective with setting limits will more likely see a lot of testing and resistance. Due to the child testing the limits, parents often are observed to get worn down, get angry and frustrated and will say discouraging things. On the other hand, parents who use firm limits will expect and require cooperation and recognize that children are most likely to cooperate when asked to in a respectful manner. Remember, punishment can sometimes temporarily stop a behavior, but only reinforcement can teach and promote a new positive behavior.  

If positive messages inspire cooperation what are the guidelines for using positive messages?

1. Encourage better choices- helping a child see there are other options and solutions to a problem can benefit them by helping them make more positive choices in the future. 
2. Encouraging better behavior- Making better choices is just the first step. Acting on that choice can be more difficult. Encouraging children to act on more positive choices is the larger training goal. 
3. Encouraging cooperation- oftentimes misbehavior is the cue for parents to identify encouragement is needed. Encouraging positive behaviors more frequently. Anytime a child helps out or is behaving appropriately is a chance for parents to give an encouraging message. Encouragement increases the likelihood that the positive behaviors will continue. 
4. Encourage independence- Preparing children to handle tasks on their own is one of the most important roles as a parent. Teaching skills and limiting involvement is all it takes to help a child foster independence.