Understanding Strong-Willed Children

At just two years old, Jamie’s parents knew she was going to be very strong willed. Jamie is determined to do things all on her own and will not take no for an answer. For examples, if Jamie is told she is not allowed jump on the bed, she will find a way to pull herself up onto the bed without assistance even if it takes her 10 minutes. Jamie likes to try to test her boundaries with her parents and is determined to get her way, mainly with being a lotted more screen time or knowing exactly what she wants to eat. When Jamie does not get her way, she makes it known she is upset and frustrated. Often times, Jamie’s parents question whether the fight is worth it. 

Strong willed children will test harder and more often, resist longer, protest louder, use more drama and carry things further than most of us would ever imagine. 

Do you sometimes question whether your child’s behavior is normal? Have you ever felt you’ve done something to cause your child’s behavior? You’ll be relieved to hear that most of the times, it is not the parents fault. Most of the time, the child is just being themselves. What the real issue has to do with is not having a good match between the child’s temperament and the parents discipline methods. 

Before discussion temperament, let’s take a look at some facts about strong-willed children. 

1. Strong-willed children are normal. Yes, you read that right, normal. They are not brain damaged, emotionally disturbed or defective. While many children do not have any other diagnosable problems, some do. In fact, some strong-willed children may have learning disabilities, hyperactivity, or other special needs. However, this still does not mean they are abnormal. If you believe your child is showing signs of any disability it is important you speak with your doctor to identify the right course of treatment, if needed. 
2. Strong-willed children are not all alike. Each child has their own temperament and do not act the same way.
3. Strong-willed children require a lot of guidance and discipline. This sounds obvious right? Many times parents view this as a form of annoyance but accepting it as a fact changes your attitude and perspective. It is the child’s job to test and the parent’s job to guide the child in the right direction. 
4. Strong-willed children do not respond to discipline methods that seem to work for other children. Strong-willed children require clear, firm and consistent guidance. 

Check back next week for a discussion on discovering your child’s temperament.

At PNA we offer Parent Management Training so you can also become an expert in behavioral change.  Contact Us for more details.